She Wouldn't Be Gone
by musicforlife101
Summary: songfic for Hot Spot. Im a little late but I just recently heard the song. major spoilers for Hot Spot but no other eps. rating for a teensy bit of language.


**I just heard this song one day and I just felt so much Mike/Fi in it in relation to Hot Spot. It's taken me a while to actually get around to writing it, but here you go.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Burn Notice or the song "She Wouldn't Be Gone". Please don't sue me, I'm totally broke anyways. =]**

I had been calling for almost ten minutes when I pulled up to that house. I knew, I just knew, that she wouldn't listen to me and would go in anyway. But when I saw that blaze I think my heart stopped. She had been in there, and, for all I knew, still was. It was like watching someone else take over my body, pushing through the firefighters, trying to get to her. They managed to pull me away, and I'm glad for that. If they hadn't I can't say I wouldn't have taken off into the house to look for her.

Defeated and utterly miserable, I got back into my car and drove. I don't know how long I drove before I started getting angry and upset. But once I did there was no stopping me. I called her phone every few minutes, I screamed and yelled. I smacked the dashboard and all of a sudden my radio came on. It was one of those flukes, or maybe it was an act of God considering what was playing.

_Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you  
Took you __home__ set you on the counter  
Oh, at least a time or two  
Maybe she'd thought it through._

The truth is, I hardly did any simple, nice things for Fi anymore. Not since, Campbell. When he came around I stopped and a habit like that is hard to break. She's sort of been punishing me for that. I was standoffish to her so now she gets to be standoffish to me. She doesn't listen, even when my intent is obviously for her safety.

_Yellow sunset slowly dipping down in the rear view_

_Oh, how she'd love to sit and watch you_

_I could have done that a whole lot more_

_If I hadn't been so stubborn, been so selfish_

_Thought about her more, thought about me less_

_Joked and made her laugh, held her when she cried_

_A little more that…maybe I..._

I watched the sunset in my rearview mirror as the song played. It was too ironic for it to be anything other than some sort of sign from God. But even someone like me, who rarely subscribes to any organized religion entirely, could figure out that God was punishing me. And I felt that I deserved it. It was always about me and the burn notice, but I never just sat and gave her my attention like I used to. Things should have been better here.

_Wouldn't be driving like hell, flying like crazy down the highway_

_Calling everyone we know, stopping any place she might be_

_Going any place she might go, beating on the dash_

_Screaming out her name at the windshield, tears soaking up my face_

_If I had loved her this much all along, maybe maybe, yeaa maybe..._

_She wouldn't be gone…she wouldn't be gone…_

I would have pitied any cop that tried to pull me over. I was going almost as fast as I could urge the Charger to go. It was stupid, considering it had started to rain, but I didn't care, about anything but her in that moment. I called Sam, just in case she managed to get out and had gone there.

"I haven't seen her Mike. Why? What's wrong?" he asked before I hung up on him. I really didn't want to explain. He called back a few seconds later.

"It's nothing Sam. I'll call you tomorrow," I said, hanging up again. This time he let me. I guess he figured that would be best. Well, I called my mother next. Bad idea.

"No Michael. I haven't seen Fiona," she said, and just hearing her name was bad enough. "Did something happen?" He concern was evident, but I didn't want to deal with it. I told her the same thing I told Sam and hung up. There was only one person left to call, and it surprised me that I still had his number, but for Fi I would do a lot of things, including calling Campbell.

"No. I haven't seen her. Sorry," he replied, then hung up. Well at least I didn't have to explain anything. So I just kept driving and trying her cell. I checked at Carlito's, her apartment, anywhere we'd been in the past month. I even bothered to check at Seymour's. She was nowhere and I couldn't help but think if I had shown her a long time ago that I was willing to do this for her, maybe she would have listened and not gone in that house, or been more careful, or waited for me, or something. Maybe we wouldn't be on this stupid quest anymore. Who knows?

_She warned me it was coming, said if I didn't change_

_She was leaving_

_I just didn't believe she would ever really walk out,_

_God, I believe her now_

_Called my mamma, cried like a baby to my best friend_

_If they've seen her, they ain't sayin, they ain't sayin..._

_Now, I'm cursing like a fool, praying it ain't too late_

_All I wanna do is fix my mistakes._

I guess in her own way she did warn me it was coming. She never claimed to be tied down, because she assumed I wasn't. I guess that was the main fault of our relationship. Being with her was never easy, and it was best that way, but no matter how many times we broke up or fought or said we hated each other, I could never be with anyone else. She had tried as well and agreed. Other people annoyed us in relationships. They were boring, unaware, terrible with tactical analysis, too stable, and they rarely understood our lives. I loved her, love her, more than anything and I'm afraid I never really told her. Not the right way at least. I mean, sure I told her I loved her all the time back in Dublin and Belfast and all the places we used to live, but I don't think I've told her once since she showed up here. I needed to change that, if I was given the chance.

I called my mom again. She just listened, for once. She interjected with her own advice and observations. She said more than once that Fiona knew how I felt, even if I was terrible at showing it. She made me promise to call when I found out for sure. I think she really likes Fi and I'm glad for that.

Then I called Sam again. By that time I was crying and I knew it. I was just driving aimlessly around Miami, crying on the phone with probably the best friend I've ever had. He let me carry on for a while, assuring me that Fi was a fighter and the last thing she would do was take death lying down. This I know to be true. Thank God for Sam. He made me make the same promise I made to my mom while I contemplated my mistakes and everything I wished I'd done differently. Everything I hoped I would get a chance to change.

_Find her beg her for one more try, until then damn it I"ll.._

_Be driving like hell, flying like crazy down the highway_

_Calling everyone we know, stopping any place she might be_

_Going any place she might go, beating on the dash_

_Screaming out her name at the windshield, tears soaking up my face_

_If I had loved her this much all along, maybe maybe, yeaa maybe..._

_She wouldn't be gone…_

Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I think I still refused to believe she could be dead. I was just so sure she was gone, but my mind could not use the word dead. Fiona was immortal in my eyes. Every logical, rational cell in my body told me there was no way she could have survived, but that little part of me, the one that operates outside of all reason, said I had to find her. I think that part was my heart. They say 'the heart has reasons that reason cannot know' and I agree with that, considering this development. I drove by Carlito's again, stopped and checked her apartment completely. Nothing. I even went so far as to stop by my mother's house and look for her.

"I told you she wasn't here. After hearing you on the phone Michael, you think I would lie to you?" she asked incredulously as I checked rooms and closets and the garage.

"No, but she could have snuck in, hoping not to be seen or found until the heat dies off," I replied as I finished my search and concluded she was not there. I took off again. Crisscrossing Miami, I drove around and around.

_I wouldn't be beating on the dash_

_Screaming out her name at the windshield tears soaking up my face_

_If I had loved her this much all along, maybe maybe, yeaa maybe..._

_She wouldn't be gone…_

I was beating on the car, speeding down the road in spite of the rain, screaming every time a girl with her silhouette walked by or rushed under a cover. I was full on crying by that time. I knew there was nothing left for me to do. She was gone and that was it. I felt I had no hope.

_Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you_

_Took you home set you on the counter, oh at least a time or two_

_Maybe she'd thought it through..._

If only, if only…So stupid to think something so simple could have caused this, but really it was a lot of little things that had almost nothing to do with each other. It wasn't as if I couldn't live without her, I just didn't want to and that was the main issue. I was pouring, thundering and lightning by the time I pulled up to the loft. I tried her phone one last time as I got out of the car, instantly being drenched by the downpour. Oh well, it didn't matter anyway. With heavy, trudging steps I climbed the stairs to my loft. I stuck my key in the lock and opened the door, turning an closing it again without ever raising my head from the 'someone just ran over my puppy, twice' position.

I paused there, just inside the door, feeling as though a thousand pounds of lead had just settled onto my shoulders and in the pit of my stomach. So many memories, good and bad, in this loft. Maybe coming back was a bad idea, I thought. Then I heard her.

"There you are," I heard her voice say. I knew it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I wanted her to be there, after having searched so hard. But it was impossible in my head, until she spoke again. "You have got to get a landline in here." I turned and saw her, sitting there at the workbench like she hadn't just almost died. I dropped my keys and walked toward her, not really registering her explanation of how she got out unscathed.

The water on my face hid the tears from her, but I think she saw them anyway as I got closer. I touched her face, just to be sure she was real and not a hallucination brought on by grief and exhaustion. My cold, wet palm cupped her warm cheek and then my other hand came up to hold the other side of her face. She was real. I bent my head to rest it against hers and she spoke softly, "Michael, you didn't think…" Yeah, I did. I didn't tell her that, but I did. Unable to tell her that, though I'm sure she already knew, I captured her lips in my own, our kiss quickly turning heated and passionate. I didn't care about fixing all my mistakes in that one night. I had another chance and that was good enough for me. Now I just have to figure out exactly what I'm going to do with it. No matter what I choose, I will not have this regret again. I hope.

**The name of this song is She Wouldn't Be Gone and it's by Blake Shelton. Let me know what you think. Reviews are always appreciated as are suggestions for other songfics, they happen to be my thing. Soon I will be writing one for My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson. Keep an eye out for it.**


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